Things I don’t understand:
Why the skinny teenage boy I am looking at right now is wearing a short sleeve shirt in freezing, wet weather, standing outside shivering his teeny little dick off.
Why people glare at me after I held a door open for them. Are they mad because they felt rushed? Do they just not smile? Did their Mother just die? Do I look like someone they hate?
Why I am in Texas, when I have always hated Texas.
Why I get a overdue notice for a bill on the same day that I get my period
Why most Stay at home Mom’s lose all sense of their own identity and become Stepford Wives suddenly. It is not helping their kids, it never helps anyone to be something you are not.
Why people tweet me sometimes telling me they think I am a bad Mom. Why? Because I write about the things that are on my mind? I don’t talk about that shit with my toddler and my infant, you fucktard. I hate you.
Why I have never found a pair of earbuds or headphones that fit my ears comfortably. The opening of my ear canal must be much smaller than the average person, because after I wear an earbud for a while, my inner ears burn and feel like they are dying.
Why some bussers and waiters who clean tables with windex, spray it unreasonably far away from the table, causing the poison to become airborne, and travel into my mouth and all over my food that I am about to pay for.
Why my Husband is the best cook on the planet, but takes 3 hours to make a meal and he is incapable of serving a plate that is not covered in his hair. It is like he thinks of his strands of hair as shredded parmesan.
Why every time I call my Mom she is busy and pissed off that you are bugging her, when she is unemployed and has been for 35 years, and has nothing better to do but to organize her house and go out to eat.
Why the person in front of me who has way over 10 items is not letting me ahead of them when I only have one item.
Why even though I know how lame and hypocritical it makes me, I cannot help but to tell my Sister how to live her life because she is younger than me and I don’t want her to repeat mistakes I made.
Why I am old fashioned, and believe you cannot be close friends with the opposite sex without it becoming sexual, but everyone else seems to think this makes me unrealistic and possessive, but then they get a divorce so I don’t take anything they say to heart, and I am left permanently confused about this topic.
Why I assume everyone will hate me and my blog posts or tweets, but I continue to do it, and become surprised that anyone enjoys this shit.
Why I am fulfilled only by things that don’t make money.
Why my Grandma was so mean to me and force fed me runny egg yolk when I was a kid, even though I told her I hated it.
Why I have never been in jail.
Why I got my period later than everyone else, and why I couldn’t stop bragging about my period for months even though it was stupid to brag, because all my friends had theirs for like 5 years already.
Why people can like a blog post and be moved to tears or laughs by it, but neglect to leave a comment notifying an attention-obsessed person like myself that they felt this way.
Why I date and marry Men that are absolutely horrendous at doing the basic things that most guys do easily, like provide $ support of some kind, try to be faithful, act normal. But who excel at the things that most Men suck at, being good in bed, giving massages, doing the dishes, being great to talk to.
Why I can write and write and write and never get bored.
Why I write about my personal life on here, and don’t feel scared about it, only scared that I don’t feel scared about it.
Why I assume everyone from Brooklyn is a horrible human being, even though I lived there and it is not the case. (always)
How my in-laws look human but are clearly aliens. this one really burns.
Why I can’t remember when I lost my virginity or who it was with.
Why I am still seeing people wearing short sleeves outside, and it is freezing out.
Why I was deathly afraid of going out with a nice guy in high school and turned him down, but was totally comfortable dating the guys that everyone said were horrible, cheating, lying bastards with no money.
Why someone like me has no use in the world as of yet to contribute my creative talents in any way to society so that could help make money for my family.
Why I am not on a reality show yet.
Why I am still writing this list.