The changes that have been going on in my body, my mind, my emotions, and my hormones in the past 3 years is incredible. Your body goes through so much when you are pregnant, and it seems as if it never ends when you breastfeed. I went from being pregnant to nursing my son for a year and a half, to becoming pregnant again and now nursing again with no breaks. I am not complaining, I love all of it. Well, yeah, I am complaining, but I love being a Mom, and I think it is awesome and fascinating to be a walking, talking beverage that is keeping a baby alive. It is still kinda insane to think about how much a woman’s body can go through, and its no wonder so many Moms go fucking crazy after they pop out a few kids. I am fairly certain I would have been a much less bearable person to be around the past few months if it wasn’t for this blog, and twitter to pour out all my thoughts into. I am SHOCKED my husband didn’t leave me because of how I acted at times. I was a horrid, horrid woman.
Sexual changes can be good and bad. Like, when I was pregnant, my orgasms were so insanely strong that it made sex better than it has ever been. My nipples were way too sensitive though, it just hurt to get them touched. But then, after the birth, and when you start wanting to have sex again, you have the extremely sucky experience of the first few orgasms postpartum. They are so lackluster, they cannot even compare to the giant pregnant lady orgasms, it is enough to make you cry for days. All the pressure and fluids from the baby pressing down on your vag, cause all the blood to kind of pool down there, so your body is pretty much ready to go for sex 24/7. My clit was permanently aroused for the entire last trimester. It was distracting, and sometimes felt so good it hurt. I miss it so bad, but one must move on despite these painful circumstances. Pregnancy orgasms vs. postpartum orgasms is a lot like the difference between ecstasy sex vs. sober sex. Or like diet coke to diet pepsi. Or Mcdonald’s croutons to Outback steakhouse croutons. Or Natural Ice to Blue Moon. Or $4 bottle of wine to a $100 bottle of wine. Can you tell I could do this for days? You get the point. It just can’t compare, and you are stuck with it. You have to make the most of it. Eventually you get used to it, and start appreciating it for what it is.
I just started getting to that point postpartum where I feel like the old me, I feel good about my body, I enjoy and want sex, I am having fun with my husband again all the time, and my kids aren’t overwhelming me to the point that I have to run in the backyard and scream. I finally feel relaxed. It is so nice to get over that hump. I think the entire 9 months of pregnancy have nothing on the first 3 months postpartum in terms of difficulty and pain. Jesus. I am getting chills just thinking about what a nightmare it was. Seriously, a total nightmare. You have this beautiful new baby, but all you wanna do is cry, plan your escape to Mexico, and contemplate starting an addiction to heroin. I am very proud of myself for turning to comedy during this phase, because laughing is really the only effective way I have found to handling bullshit.