Messin’ With Texas

Living in Texas for the past 3 years has been a big culture shock for me.  I am still not used to it.  I was immersed in the Northeast Irish and Italian culture for nearly 21 years, and I guess because of that I have warm fuzzy feelings for Northerners.  I have lived in Baltimore, Illinois, Georgia, France, New York City, Arkansas, and Connecticut.  And by far, without a shadow of a doubt, Texas is home to the world’s biggest assholes.  

That’s right, I’m “messin” with Texas.  The majority of Texans live out their stereotypes.  Dumb, racist, fat, and unfriendly.  Now, I need to clarify this by saying that there are many awesome, open-minded people from Texas, and I truly appreciate a lot of them.  But on an average day, running around doing errands in North Texas, if you are not from here, you will not be happy with what you find.  The whole “Yankees” are assholes thing is a myth.  New York City is full of some colorful people, but in general, complete strangers will strike up friendly conversations with you.  You will probably have at least one very entertaining and sweet conversation with a cabbie.  If you drop your magazine on the ground of the subway, 5 nice people will run over to help you pick it up.  If you have a baby or cute son or daughter, people will go on about how adorable they are and play peekaboo games over the partition of the lively diner you are eating at.  In general, the people you run into on an average day in NYC or anywhere up North will undoubtedly make you laugh or at least smile.  Even the homeless people are funny, friendly, and entertaining.

BUT, You will definitely get knocked over walking around the streets of the city if you are dragging your feet, but I don’t think that the rude looks you get from walking or driving too slow in Manhattan are a good judge of how the people are there.  Everyone is in a fucking hurry in NYC.  And it is really hard to get to places on time.  When I lived in Brooklyn, I worked as an assistant to Photographers in Manhattan.  They had shoots all over the city, and sometimes in New Jersey.  I would have to get to the locations usually at the ass crack of dawn.  And more than anywhere in the world, punctuality is crucial in the City.  I say that, because there are a million people itching to get your job because the city is so packed, and if you are late, your boss knows you can be replaced within minutes. So, with not having any clue where these places were, I was navigating new territory by foot, and train every day.  Do you know how hard that is?  Well, you do if you have done it.  It is horrible.  Why bother showering, because you end up sweating like a pig within minutes of your travel.  When you finally get on the right subway, if it is rush hour, you are literally sandwiched tightly between lots of smelly people, and some perverts on the train.  So if you are a tourist twirling in circles in times square taking pictures of the “Naked Cowboy” and you accidentally stand in the middle of foot traffic, fucking up someone’s fast pace, and they look at you like you are an asshole, its because you are an asshole.  Get out of the way.  New York is not exclusive to being annoyed with assholes.  We all hate that shit.  Just look at highways, how many dirty looks do you get when you are driving?  We all do something absent minded in traffic every once in a while, and the reaction we get is like, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE!??!!”  People are brutal no matter where you live if they don’t know you and you are keeping them from getting from A to B.  I just think New Yorkers get such a bad rap, because most of the time people are walking, sweating, running late, and cranky.  The stakes are higher, and the face to face confrontation is more cutting than what you experience in the safety of your car.

Now back to Texas, everyone in Fort Worth seems so pissed off and cold to me.  I barely ever have a fun interaction with a stranger.  When I do have an interaction with a stranger, they always seem to have a mental illness or social anxiety disorder or they just don’t give a fuck about making a connection.  It is so weird.

You would think they were all jolly and loud around here, wouldn’t you?  But, no.  (Most) Everyone is shy.  (Most) Everyone is ignorant.  A shit load are openly racist.  And you are much more likely to see a gun on someone’s holster than a smile on their face.  What the hell is everyone so pissed off about??  Texas is supposedly one of the State’s least affected by the bad economy.  No one has to worry about inconvenient travel on a subway or by foot.  We have some of the best Mexican restaurants in the country.  There is so much to be happy about.  And you would think with all of the “CHRISTIAN”, people would be all Jesus like and nice.  NOPE.  I don’t mind quiet unfriendly people completely, but when that is all you are ever exposed to, it gets really sad and irritating.  Maybe it is just “Cowtown”, maybe all the rednecks breathed in too much cow shit and that is why they are so pissy.  I just ended a job recently as a server at a Sushi place.  Yeah, sushi in texas. eww. But it was actually good.  Even though all the guys rolling the sushi were Mexican.  Anyways, I basically never once served someone that I thought had an incredibly entertaining attitude or personality that was from Texas.  All the cool people were from out of town.  The Texan guests were either horrible assholes, or just Blah people.  The people I worked with were pretty awesome, but when I first met all of them, they sucked too.  They were all shy, and kinda bitchy or snooty at first.  Once I got to know them, however, they were really cool.  Except for one guy, he had a personality from day one.  He was a flamboyant gay guy and of course everyone here hated him.  His loud presence made them all nervous.  They acted like he was a animal with rabies that needed to be shot.  He should move up North, they will love him.  And no one will be shocked by him.  So I guess the real problem here is how shy and insecure Texans are.  In turn, it makes me feel shy and nervous because it freaks me out and feels so foreign and fucks with my comfort level.  The worst is how many people don’t tell me my kids are cute.  My kids are the most adorable, sweet, cheek pinch worthy kids anywhere.  When we go out to eat, barely any one even cracks a smile when they see them.  Are they human?  Do they have blood pumping through their veins??  My parents notice it every time the visit.  We were out running around town with my 2 week old baby a few months ago, and plenty of people saw her (in restaurants, stores, etc.) and not one person told us she was adorable.  Actually, one person did.  And she was from out of state.  So I am convinced these people are related to Hitler, and a danger to society.  So that would mean all of North Texas is a Nazi community.

Maybe they smell my Yankee blood, and that is why they are so unfriendly to me.  I don’t know what it is, but it even affects my Husband, who grew up here.  We never get invited anywhere.  We are the only ones who ever attempt to have get together’s or dinner parties. I guess we are just not appreciated here.  And yes, I am bitching and whining and crying about it, because this is our lives.  Its bullshit to live like this, so lonely.  We would like the social life we used to have, and we would love for our kids to have cool friends that don’t bully them like little jerks.  Which is why we are moving to Connecticut in April.  That and because of weather, ocean, relatives, and business reasons.  I give Fort Worth a big thumbs down.  If it weren’t for my Husband’s musician buddies I would have run away a long time ago.  My theory as to why there is so many cool indie musicians here, is because everyone is so depressed that it inspires a lot of creativity from the people trapped here.

UPDATE: I got a lot of flack for writing this, and I get it.  I was being super mean and judgmental to an entire City.  The funny part is, this is probably my least entertaining, and dumbest blog post and it is getting the most attention.  I thought to myself that maybe I was being too harsh, so I gave Fort Worth another open minded try yesterday.  I was out of the house for my weekly “Mommy’s Day out”, and I made sure to smile at everyone I saw (as usual).  I got ONE friendly face looking back at me the entire day.  I must have interacted with at least 35 people.  Only ONE!!  I held doors open (as usual) for everyone, and not one of those bastards said “Thank You”.  I want to punch people in the sex organs that do not thank you for opening a door.  It is so rude and shitty.  Also, on Sunday night, I went to Walmart and we got Griffy his Halloween costume.  (They have cheap, cute costumes there – FYI)  We put the costume that we ended up buying, on him in the store to see how it would fit.  It was an adorable spider costume.  He looked like the cutest little spider in the world.  There was a crowd of at least 30 people around when he had it on, and NOT ONE person even smirked.  I am not expecting a parade for my son, but come on.  He deserved at least a few smiles.  So, sorry Fort Worth, I’m still pissed off with you.  I want a divorce. 


4 thoughts on “Messin’ With Texas

  1. I think maybe alot of it is just fort worth/ or dfw as a whole. My ex’s parents live in fort worth and i was there alot and noticed the same thing. I spend quite a bit of my time in the Austin area and I like the atmosphere/personalities of people down there. I also have to point out that Texas is huge and it is a little harsh to judge the whole state by one city, but that’s where you are so I get it. I also get the whole, people should smile at/ compliment your kids thing, I have cute kids and I fully expect at least a few ppl to notice when we are out and about, lol.

    • thanks, sarah. i tried to make it clear i was referring to north texas, specifically fort worth. i love austin, houston, galveston, and i have heard of plenty of other areas that are cool. DFW can seem like its own little country while you are here, i guess that is why i feel so caged and trapped within it. I doubt many people would agree with my opinions completely on here, but I am pretty much just venting. i am such a nut bag, i wouldn’t be surprised if i missed a lot of things about Fort Worth after I move away.

  2. Flack? Good. You wrote something worth a shit. I’m with prosperous America when I say Fort Worth and all of Texas should emancipate and we should help them. They and their ignoramus, inbred hick, bullshit ideas can run wild until the whole of the population is dead or vagrant on the street. The results of their precious conservative principle laden Cowboy Free Market theorems can be finally realized, confirming what Rwanda has already shown. Nothing is more true than “you becomes like those who you surround yourself with”. Thus, all Texas sucks. I understand that the small percentage of pussies think their small portion of the population should not be judged along with the other racist rapists with whom they stand side by side, day in and day out, gaining acceptance through lack of courage and leadership. They continue to slowly waste away as the mulch of society. Glad you have 7 months left. There is a chance that Oklahoma could be affected by the Tex’ico disease and you are our hope. What a great opportunity! And, Great article! You are not venting. You feel caged and trapped for a reason and those reasons are real.
    Regards, Ernest P. Vonhousen, B.M.F.

    • Thank you so much for your comment! Seriously. It makes me feel great when someone validates me for saying something that is on my mind, even if it is not what I am *supposed to* say. You are so right, they really need to get modernized, fast. It feels as if we have been set back 70 years in terms of freedom of anything when you are here. Definitely not my cup of tea. Thanks for reading! : )

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