The New Mistakes

mis·take     (m-stk)n.

 1. An error or fault resulting from defective judgment, deficient knowledge, or carelessness.2. A misconception or misunderstanding.

I think I am pretty reasonable.  I am really, really nice and patient to customer service reps, and I married a guy who was living in a van and gave me a plastic bubble ring for our engagement, so I think this proves that I am not a high-maintenance bitch.  But I have a hard time with the broadness of the use of the word “mistake”.  This is really an American problem mostly, because I know in many other countries, it is common for their languages to have more names than just one to define something.  Like the word “Love” in English, is used to describe romantic love, when saying “I love you, darling” as well as unromantic love, when saying something like, “I love you, my son”, and it is also used for when we really like something, like “I love this chili dog”.  But in European languages, they often have many different words for love.  One love-word for romance, one for children, one for the hot dog, etc..  That makes more sense.  I do not know any of this for a fact, I just overheard someone saying this once, and I paraphrased what they said for you.  Plus, I cannot fluently speak any other languages besides english, so I really have no idea if any of this has any validity.  But we will go with it, and say it does.  So anyways, we are screwed here and stuck with one choice for lots of emotions.  In the case of the word “mistake”, I don’t like how a toddler drawing with crayons on your wall is a mistake, while a grown man or woman cheating on their partner can and often is, called a mistake.  WTF!?  The reason this bugs me so much, is because the word “mistake” often makes people feel sympathetic, because it sounds like you were not in control of the occurrence.  It the case of a child, of course they are not really in control of what they do.  I mean, they are, but they aren’t.  You know what I mean.  But an adult, unless they are physically forced to do something, or they are certifiable, they are pretty much to blame and responsible.  Let me break this down for you:

Current definitions for knocking over a vase and breaking it.

scenario one:  a child knocks over a vase at grandma’s house while playing: mistake

scenario two:  an adult who is pissed off because they just found out his/her best friend deceived her, knocks over a vase while flailing arms and yelling in their apt. : mistake

scenario three: an adult male knocks over a vase while cheering on his favorite football team:  mistake

scenario four:  an adult who is overtired because they work a lot of hours, have insomnia, are a doctor, are a new parent, etc. clumsily knocks over a vase:  mistake

scenario five:  an elderly person knocks over a vase while trying to maneuver through a curvy home full of too many home furnishings:  mistake

scenario six: a well-rested, otherwise intelligent adult knocks over a vase because they were not paying attention/not being respectful to their surroundings: mistake

scenario seven:  an adult knocks over a vase while they are drunk and acting a fool: mistake

scenario eight:  while screwing, two people knock over a vase : mistake

here are my current revisions to these “mistake” scenarios:

scenario one:  mistake

scenario two: bitchstake

scenario three:  funstake

scenario four:  sleepstake

scenario five:  mistake

scenario six:  dumbstake

scenario seven:  drunkstake

scenario eight:  slutstake

Obviously, these are MUCH more accurate names.  This should be very helpful for English-speaking persons.  It will also help avoid the annoying occurrence of one who commits, lets say, a slutstake, and it being confused as a mistake.  These words will help clear up this issue.  If you notice, children and the elderly are the only people who are capable of merely making mistakes,  Everyone in between has to take responsibility for their action with my more defined labels.

If you are wondering what prompted this revision to Webster’s dictionary, it was my husband clumsily putting my beloved laptop on the edge of a table, which proceeded to crash to the floor like a bowling ball sliding off of a bench, thus disrespecting my possession, and as an outcome, my laptop needs a new harddrive, which he cannot afford.  I heard the tune of “humpty dumpty”, as I saw my egg fall off the wall, and all the Macintosh horses and men couldn’t put laptop together again…cheaply.  And he called this occurrence a mere “mistake”.  But as you can see, no no.  This was clearly a “dumbstake”.  I am pleased I could help him, and you understand the distinction between the two words.  I am only here to help.

Luckily, we have a friend who can probably fix the dumbstake that was committed against my darling laptop, at half the cost of the Apple quote.  Which is a big relief, because being out of commission is very painful for me.  By “commission”, I am referring to writing on this blog, and tweeting.  Because lately, writing like this has been a huge source of comfort and relief.  I mean, who wouldn’t feel relieved airing their dirty laundry about their sex life, their marriage, their rocky relationship with their mother, and their prejudice for rednecks on the world wide web?  Not many.  You see what I mean.  I just can’t be without this luxury, this supreme and utterly enjoyable form of therapy and self expression.

Tell your friends about the new mistakes.

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