I just want to take a minute to thank my readers out there. According to google analytics, I have a lot of dedicated fans mixed with a smattering of serial page-scanners across the USA, with one faithful reader from The Netherlands. I appreciate all of you, but I give an extra pat on the back with a closed mouth grin, and aggreeable nod to the 7-30 minute on-the-site-people. Especially you there, in Iowa, your stats are through the roof. That takes a lot of effort and dedication in this day and age. Personally, when I go to read the nytimes online, or a blog, I scan the page in a desperate, fleeting search for death, destruction, controversy, and misery. If I come across an image of a malnourished child screaming, pointing, barely clothed with tears streaming down a mud-covered face, I click. If I come across an image of a balding politician pathetically holding his head down while standing next to his dissapointed wife, with the headline “Disgraced Senator”, I click. If I see an image of a tractor trailor split in half with what looks like a deadly substance streaming out of it and over a bridge into the ocean, while dozens of ambulences and police try to control the disaster, I click. If there is no image, and it is just a text link or worse…it is just a blog with mainly text and little imagery, I mostly scan the page searching for the words, “depressed” “sex” “confession” “zombies” “motherfucker” “cunt” “poison” “death”, or “mom”. If I am so unlucky to have navigated to a site or a page that is missing these stimulating words, the amuse-bouche words of literature, then I am left feeling uninterested, and quite skeptical that anything I am about to take precious time out of my day to read, is actually going to be worth a damn. And even when I have discovered a true work of genius, or at least, an extremely entertaining taboo blog, I still struggle to not navigate back to my twitter, or one of my 4 email accounts to scan for new updates. So, as you can see, I have a deep understanding and appreciation for the struggles that a person born in the 80’s or after faces when trying to combat ADD with patience and self-control. So the fact that there are people out there that are actually controling their devious desires to click back to facebook to see what their old classmate’s are eating for dinner tonight, to stay on my site and read my nonsensical, unreasonable rants; is truly impressive, and downright moving. If I could give all of you a medal, I would. Thanks again, and I will try to continue making my problems entertaining for you. I know you would do the same if you, too were missing the part of your brain that attempts to keep things in your life private and sacred.
ps. i will add an image to this post later. I realize how painful this is for you. I mean, how could i post this kind of a post without pretty pictures? I promise you, it is just as painful for me. I am at the library, because my hard drive is still broken (see below). And for some sick, twisted, hateful plot against humanity, the public library does not allow for you to save images to their computers, or copy image links from one site to the next. Don’t they realize that bans on such basic rights as these can cause world wars? But your patience will be greatly awarded. I will find something on google images that has utilizes cmyk, and some hipsterish illustrative qualities, which I will post at a later date. It is the least I can do.