I am in that super tough phase of motherhood and marriage and money and womanhood and life, where all the shit is hitting the fan at once. More like diarrhea hitting the fan. I am covered in life-diarrhea, and I can’t see. I am holding on for dear life as the shit keeps coming. I’m choking on a bad-karma-enema, that I signed up for. The weird thing is, at the same exact time, some of the sweetest and best experiences of my life are happening right now. My toddler is in a stage where his personality is really coming alive and into something so spectacular and hilarious, I just want to cry tears of happiness thinking about him. My newborn girl is so adorable and she must smile and giggle 20 times a day, that seems unusual for a 7 week old. I love it. My Husband and I, with all of our problems, are bonding and growing closer and finding more to laugh at going through all of this together.
It is just the pressure and the postpartum depression shit and the money problems and the missing friends and the lack of time and lack of sleep and lack of sex and lack of transportation that is getting the best of me after I have used up all of my patience, and the kiddos are finally asleep, that it really gets to me and engulfs my emotions. If I could paint a picture of it, It would look like “the blob” squeezing the sanity right out of me. This blog has been helping a lot. And so has tweeting. That sounds so ridiculous. But seriously, I can’t afford a shrink (i’ve only mentioned that on here like 10 times, right?) and my best friends all live far away right now, so venting this way while the kids are napping is incredibly therapeutic. I haven’t figured out quite yet what this blog is all about, in terms of a “theme”. I mean, I guess you can call me a “Mommyblogger” since I am one, and a lot of what I write is about that. But I also write and think a lot about random shit. And I am really poor, and I complain about that. So maybe I am a “Povertyblogger”. Or maybe I am just a “Complainer-Blogger”. Whatever it is, it is fun. And it takes the edge off all the stress. I love when something takes the edge off and doesn’t leave you hungover and throwing up the next day. Healthy drugs.